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The Kindergarten Picture
Below is my kindergarten class picture. Take a look and guess which one I am.
If you guessed “the kid in the wheelchair”, you win. Here’s the story. I was a parent’s night terror simply because of all the accidents I got in. Accidents like when I was in the hospital for two nights after I rode a swing like Superwoman and cracked my head on the concrete. Or when I tried to kiss a strange dog on the forehead and it bit my face. Things of this nature. Which leads me to leg breaking day. It was during my mom and dad’s sunny BBQ in Freehold, NJ. I, their semi-retarded five-year-old, was riding my bike in circles in the driveway. A pretty simple process, but I fell over. Most normal kids would’ve hopped right back up. But I couldn’t do that because I broke my leg in two places. Including a spiral fracture which is when the bone has been twisted apart. I was in the hospital for three nights and home schooled in a wheelchair for months.
But let’s examine the photo again. What’s really the worst part of this picture? The wheelchair? I don’t know. Maybe the photographer could have let the girl in the wheelchair know that her underwear was completely exposed? And while he was at it, ask the Indian kid holding the sign to keep it together for five seconds? No, I find the most offensive thing in the picture to be my haircut. And here’s why. People, I had nothing to do but sit in a wheelchair at home for months. And the best is we can do is that haircut? I finally get to leave the house to take a picture. And my parents sent me out with a FUCKING MUSHROOM CUT?! WE HAD MORE THAN ENOUGH TIME TO FIX THAT NOISE! REALLY? THAT’S THE BEST WE COULD DO? Alright.
